


Doubt

by Ally_Oop



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Banter, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, No Plot/Plotless, Short One Shot, Some Humor, Vulnerable Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24976666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ally_Oop/pseuds/Ally_Oop
Summary: Merlin discovers Arthur has been sneaking out to visit a strange glowing flower every night, and decides to follow him.OrArthur Has Doubts About His View Of Magic
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 214





	Doubt

It was pure luck that Merlin had even seen Arthur sneaking out at all. He’d left his cloak out on the training fields the day before and remembered late at night, and had resolved to run out and get it before retiring to his room for the night. It was then that Merlin spotted a familiar blue cloak that had once been his pulled around a figure setting off towards the forest of Ascetir, hood pulled up to cover a head of tousled blonde hair. 

“Fantastic,” he muttered to no one. “Just fantastic.”

Merlin’s whispered complaints were not for anyone but himself, but somehow it was nice to let them out. Besides, it was safer to release them under one’s breath than to say it to Arthur’s face and risk having a heavy object thrown in one’s general direction.

Merlin had almost laughed to see Arthur like this; the high and mighty king of Camelot was startling at the slightest noise and stumbling over the smallest pebbles. It had then occurred to Merlin to wonder why he was so unusually uptight; the Arthur he knew was an absolute idiot, but one that could usually move silently and had nerves of steel. Whatever he was doing, it was either illegal or embarrassing, Merlin had decided.

Naturally, he followed Arthur.

It should be odd that this was a fairly common occurrence, he reflected as he ducked under a branch and very nearly lost his balance. The ground was slippery from a spot of rain the previous night, and the forest still smelled strongly of it. Merlin rather enjoyed the scent, and was almost able to convince himself he was on a leisurely walk rather than stumbling blindly into whatever late night escapade Arthur had decided to undertake.

Several times Arthur stopped in his tracks, muscles tense and head turned slightly to the side, clearly listening for any pursuers. Merlin never quite managed to stay perfectly still or silent, but Arthur never turned around for some reason.

Merlin knew he was suspicious at best and certain of exactly who was following him at worst, but tried his hardest to stay quiet nonetheless. In any case, Arthur didn’t seem to be concerned with confronting him yet.

Arthur finally paused in a little clearing that was situated underneath a ring of gnarled oak trees, which cast gigantic shadows that snuffed out any light before it reached the ground. It would be near pitch black were it not for the little blue flower that had made its home in the center of the clearing, glowing so brilliantly that the entire area was bathed in a soft blue light. The flower was no larger than an apple, and looked like a rose in everything except color. Merlin felt a smile tug at his lips as he watched the little plant, briefly forgetting why he was here.

It was before this flower that Arthur knelt down and finally lowered his hood. His face was still hidden to Merlin, as he still hid in the trees behind Arthur. After a moment, he saw Arthur’s shoulders square and his head raise slightly.

“You know, Merlin, the view is far better up close.”

Merlin cursed quietly. So he did know who it was. That was expected, but still disappointing. Sneaking around was something of a hobby to Merlin, and getting caught, even by Arthur, stung a little.

“Nice night for a walk, then?” Merlin asked, emerging from his hiding place and lowering himself next to Arthur.

“If you’ve come here to mock me, you can just go.” Arthur snapped.

“I didn’t mean to be harsh,” Merlin insisted. “I thought you might be in trouble.”

“And you would’ve been able to anything about it?” Arthur scoffed.

Merlin fought the urge to return the jab. Arthur was distressed, and something was very clearly wrong. The last thing Merlin needed was for him to build his walls any higher.

Merlin shrugged.

“I didn’t want you to face whatever it was alone.”

At this, Arthur looked slightly embarrassed, as if he hadn’t expected a genuine response. Merlin felt himself feeling inconveniently empathetic, and therefore couldn’t even enjoy his little victory.

“It’s alright,” Merlin said quickly before Arthur could try and drag himself through an apology. It would be painful to watch and Merlin didn’t want himself to be placed on any sort of moral high horse. That wouldn’t make anything any easier. 

“Are you going to tell me why you’re out here in the middle of the night?” 

“It’s magic, isn’t it?” Arthur said quietly. He pointed at the flower. “It must be; nothing glows like that in nature.”

“I reckon it is, yes. What’s that got to do with anything?”

Arthur shrugged and gave Merlin an odd look.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Merlin wasn’t quite following Arthur’s line of thinking, but he could sense that he was trying to say something else.

“It’s very beautiful, yes.” Merlin agreed.

Arthur fell silent, and Merlin stole a glance at his face. The light of the flower had turned his eyes an electric blue and his brow was furrowed slightly as if perplexed. Merlin focused on the flower again. He could feel its pull clearly; there was definitely some sort of powerful magic contained within.

“Magic is supposed to be evil.” Arthur said suddenly. 

Supposed to be.

That sort of doubt wasn’t unprecedented with Arthur; Merlin had seen the flashes of hesitation and slight pauses that had plagued the king on decisions regarding sorcery recently, but he had yet to vocalize them. Until now, of course. Merlin couldn’t help but feel as if he’d just been offered something incredibly precious, and found himself unsure how to proceed.

Arthur turned his head slightly, and his eyes found Merlin’s. He looked very old in that moment, causing Merlin’s heart to ache slightly as he struggled to reconcile the weary man before him with the lively (albeit intolerable,) boy he’d met all those years ago. Arthur smiled without joy and shook his head as if to dismiss his earlier statement.

“You think I’m insane, don’t you?” 

“No!” Merlin said, a little too loud and a little too fast. Arthur gave him an odd look.

“It’s alright if you do. I can’t say I blame you,” Arthur admitted, sinking down to a sitting position. “In fact, if you had said the same I’d think you were either insane or the stupidest man I’d ever met.”

“Or the bravest.” Merlin added.

A small smile tugged at Arthur’s lips, and he bowed his head slightly in response. A sign of gratitude, Merlin knew. Arthur didn’t have to say anything else.

“In all honesty, I’m not entirely sure what to think,” Arthur said, glancing sideways at Merlin. “I’ve never been the biggest champion of my father’s ideology, but lately it seems as though the lines are more blurred than he led me to believe.”

Arthur sighed and stole another glance at Merlin, who didn’t react. Arthur furrowed his eyebrows and inclined his head questioningly. 

“Surely you of all people would understand?”

Merlin froze.

“What? Why would I understand?”

“Don’t act like you’ve never had doubts,” Arthur shrugged. “I’ve seen how you treat those with magic; for God’s sake, Merlin, you cried over a dragonlord as if he were your own flesh and blood.”

Merlin bit the inside of his cheek and cast his gaze downward. Arthur noticed this but mercifully decided not to say anything.

“All I meant was that none of us are immune to this doubt. Not me, not you, and not my father, though he may have been better at hiding it than I.”

“Is that why you’ve come here, then? Doubt?” Merlin asked.

“Not exactly.”

“Why, then?”

“It makes me feel at peace.”

Merlin tilted his head and smiled.

“Really?”

“You don’t have to act so surprised.”

“It’s just that you never quite seem to relax.”

Arthur gave a humorless grin. 

“Part of the job, I suppose.” 

He gestured vaguely to the flower.

“It might be enchanting me for all I know. However, I’ve found that I don’t really care.” 

Arthur sighed.

“Is it selfish of me? To sneak out like this?”

“Not at all. You deserve some peace every once in awhile.”

Arthur laughed.

“Yes, since I certainly never get any with you around.”

“Well, someone’s got to keep you on your toes.”

“Maybe,” Arthur said listlessly.

There was an easy silence for a few minutes while the two men looked at the flower, unsure of how to continue. Finally, Merlin spoke.

“Have you been coming out here every night?”

Arthur frowned.

“How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

“Really?”

“No. Your freshly cleaned boots have turned up muddied in the morning a few times, and you’ve seemed tired as of late. Not at all like yourself. I never put it together until tonight, though.”

Merlin turned to Arthur and was taken aback to find an oddly distant look on his  
face as he gazed back. The blue of Arthur’s eyes seemed sadder and full of emotion all of a sudden.

“Is something the matter?” Merlin asked hesitantly.

“You really do know me, don’t you?” He mused, the strange look never leaving his face.

“Against my own will, really.”

Arthur smiled. There was a hint of sorrow to it that Merlin didn’t like.

“If I were my father, that flower would have been destroyed by now.”

“Most likely. But you aren’t anything like your father.”

Arthur shifted his weight slightly and sighed. When he spoke again, his voice was soft and hesitant.

“Should I be more like him?”

Merlin shook his head.

“No.”

“You’re not lying, are you?”

“You’re already twice the king he ever was, Arthur. For you to become like him at this point would truly be a tragedy.”

Arthur almost laughed.

“I’m sure that could count as treason in some lights.”

“Arrest me if you like, but you know I’m right.”

Arthur smiled.

“Maybe.”

They fell silent again, and Arthur’s eyes fell to the ground, his mouth tightened into a thin line.

”I would hope that you have enough common sense to not mention this to anyone,” Arthur warned. “I’ll have you exiled.”

“No, you wouldn’t.”

Arthur scoffed, but there was none of the earlier malice behind it.

“You really believe that?”

“I do. You’d never get rid of me.”

“I would, in fact I’d be overjoyed to be rid of you and your constant prattle.”

Merlin laughed.

“Don’t you remember what you did when Morgana captured me? It was only a few years ago.”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” Arthur muttered, suddenly very intent on looking anywhere besides Merlin.

“Well, your memory may not serve you as well nowadays, but I recall it being told to me after the fact. Something about how distraught you were at my absence.“

“You’re mistaken.” 

“Am I? I suppose Gwen and Leon were exaggerating when they said you were inconsolable.”

“I was NOT inconsolable.”

“Refused to accept that I was gone?”

Arthur didn’t answer and crossed his arms defensively.

“Gwen said you cried,” Merlin teased.

“Okay, now THAT is a lie.”

“You’re right, that one was. Which indicates that the others were true.”

“Shut up, Merlin.”

Merlin grinned, very pleased with himself. 

“We should be heading back, shouldn’t we?”

“Probably.” Arthur admitted. He rose to his feet and Merlin followed suit. They began the trek back and were walking in silence for a few minutes before Arthur turned his head and addressed Merlin over his shoulder.

“Oh, and Merlin?”

“Yes?”

“You’re not to mention this to anyone. None of it.”

“Not even your bitter tears at the thought of losing me?” Merlin said with mock disappointment.

Arthur considered this for a moment.

“I’ll tell you what,” He began, grinning nastily. “If you can refrain from acting a fool for a whole day, you can tell whomever you like.”

Merlin scoffed.

“Right. My lips are sealed, then.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a very very very thrown together sketch of an idea that I had; I may work the concept into a longer story later on but for right now it’ll stay as a little Arthur focused one-shot. I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading and I love you all! 💕


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